[ This article is old, and originally came from our first Tempest Pictures Blog, but we've transferred it to the new site just for posterity. New articles up soon.]
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[This post was originally written by G.A.M. on his personal blog, and therefore written in a much more 'informal' tone. It's just the way the guy is...]

Loose Tips To Survive The Film Industry (Or, The Story Of My Worst Experience On Set Ever)

by Gregory McConnell

Today's blog is going to be a little different. Rather than a total 'emo' free-write about break ups, depressed handicapped people, and deranged suicide attempts, I'm going to tell a true story. I'm going to tell you about the worst experience I have ever had in independent film making, and hopefully list some tips to make sure that my story doesn't become yours.

After winning top honors at SATO 48 last year, I got a call from a guy looking to hire some help for his indie feature. I won't be giving you his name, nor will I give you the name of his (as of yet unfinished) film, because I'm not the type of guy to bash and slander a fellow filmmaker online (although I have on occasion done so to their faces, if the situation calls for it). I'm not going to run around town giving out his name and making a public enemy of him (although I might reveal it to someone privately). I'm not going to for 2 main reasons: 1) He did not do anything intentionally illegal or dangerous, and 2) I very much doubt his film will see completion, and if it does, the results will be lackluster and he'll have significant trouble getting anyone to work with him again.

Anyway, after receiving a call from him, he asked me to sit down with him over lunch to discuss the story. No problem. I meet him at the restaurant, and we go over the project. Basically, he needs me to be 'camera guy' (as he used the term) for several of the scenes. Being the overachiever that I am, I also offered to edit the film, and do any necessary special effects to see its completion. He was overjoyed. Things were going well so far. So he begins to tell me about the story, while giving me his Macbook to read through the script (as he only had one hard copy) while he explained it scene by scene.

So, naturally, while he was staring down at his salad, eating and explaining the plot, I promptly minimized the script and went to the internet, instead. Blast, no signal! Oh, well. I went to his history, saw some sites related to filmmaking and his script. Good. He was committed, at least. (side note here: that was probably a breach of privacy, so yeah...do as I say, not as I do)

We finished chatting, agreed on our terms, then got ready to leave. He offered to pay for my meal. Sweet. Saved me five bucks. I asked for a script. He didn't have one to give me. Couldn't I just have the one he read from while I was on the Macbook? No... because that was 'his' copy. Roadblock number #1.

(Tip For Producers: If you're going to hire someone to shoot your film, have a script ready for them to take. Nothing screams 'unprepared' like not having your paperwork together. Not giving your editor a script when they need one is like not giving the finished draft of your novel to the proofreader. Their job requires them to know what the film is about, what goes on in each scene, what the best way to film said scene is, and how to do so in a timely manner. Don't just throw them a script the day before and tell them to 'wing' it.)

So, I go on my merry way, start polishing up my camera, and I get the phone call for lunch meet #2. He wants to go over some final things before the first shoot. I head over to the diner.

This time, he has a script ready for me. This makes me happy. We sit down, he pulls out a camera he bought to help film B roll. This makes me even more happy. He asks me to review some test footage he shot to see if a camera rig he made is working correctly. No problem. I take a quick peek at the footage, find it a little bumpy, so I flip the LCD screen around his way to show him.

'Woah!' He 'didn't even know you could turn the screen around like that'.

This makes me unhappy. I can understand him buying a camera rig or a light, etc. and not knowing how to use it...but this was a $7000 camera. Why spend so much money on it if you aren't going to read the manual?

Eh, he's not a camera guy. I let it go. Next he shows me some video and pictures of the cast. They all look alright. I'm no expert, I didn't get to watch the auditions, and I'm just the 'camera guy', not the casting director, so I let it go. I assume they're all qualified.

Then, two things happened that made me uneasy. He asked me how much I knew about music rights, and then asked me how much I knew about filming permits. This is roadblock #2, and an EXTREMELY important point.

(Tip For Actors, Or Other Personnel Being Hired To Help With A Film: If the Producer of the film starts asking you about legal aspects of filming in the state, and you ain't no Legal Council, somethings up. This is important to know: the Producer makes sure all aspects of creating the film are accomplished. A Producer is suppose to know this information, and if (s)he doesn't, they better have an attorney or lawyer on the Production Team that does. If a Producer comes to you and asks you about something that you aren't qualified to know, then there is a problem.

Don't get me wrong: if you're a Visual Effects Artist, and the Producer asks you how to do a certain special effect, or you're a sound technician and he asks you which microphone he should buy, it's cool...because he hired you for your expertise in the field. But he wasn't asking me how to set up a camera, here. He was asking me whether or not something was legal in the state.

If he was asking me, then he had no idea.

And if he had no idea, he hadn't done his research.

And if he hadn't done his research, then he wasn't fulfilling his duty as a Producer.

And if he wasn't fulfilling his Producing duty, then the movie was going to fall through.

No ifs, ands, or buts. If an independent film goes into production without a competent executive, then chances of it being competed are drastically low. And, even if it does manage to see completion, the results will be less than satisfactory.

A school can't work without a principal. A company can't work without a boss. A country can't work without a head of state. (Contrary to what Libertarians want you to believe.)

Moreover, he wanted me to take a look at some storyboards of a scene to get idea of what he was looking for.

He pulled out one of those pocket memo pads.

...Let's just say they weren't storyboards.

Am I being too hard on him? I don't think so. He had been planning this film for over two years, and we were a week away from the first shoot. He should have already known this stuff. It clearly showed me he wasn't prepared to shoot a 5 minute short, much less a feature.

But, I went along with it.

And so, the first day of the shoot comes. I get loaded up, and drive over to the store parking lot where it's set to take place. (A note: the movie takes place almost EXCLUSIVELY at night. We were shooting from around 10:00 to around 2:00am)

When I get there, I'm worried he never got permission to film there. I was relieved when proven otherwise. I pull up, get my stuff out, walk over, and meet up with several crew members. We shake hands, do all the usual stuff, talk 'PC vs Mac' for a bit, then get ready to go. Mr. Producer is there, with several of his buddies, getting ready to see the film open production. While the sun is starting to come down, he suggests doing a test-run of a scene. Then says, 'Alright, let's get to it. Cameras ready?'

Uh...no, they aren't. And I'm not gonna hit 'Record' until we get some things straight. (Keep in mind, I don't say any of this stuff out loud. At least, not on the first day.)

#1: If it's the first night of the shoot, don't just say 'let's get to it.'

I had never met any of these actors or the crew before. We have no idea what our strengths are, or our weaknesses. Any Producer who knows what he's doing will at VERY least gather everyone together and give us a speech.

I'm not looking for a Barack Obama-like oratory, but at least introduce everybody. There were 20+ people there. Let the cast and crew meet. Let them introduce themselves. Let me, the 'camera guy' INTRODUCE myself. Let me meet the actors. Let me talk with them. Let me see them perform a line or two.

I'm not saying that I'm so self-righteous that I deserve 'special treatment' or anything, but I'm supposed to FILM this thing. I need to SEE THE CAST. I need to look them over. I need to see who would look good at what angle. I need to know if they can remember their lines. I need to know if they can act on film.

(Actor Tip: There's a difference between acting in 'Theater' and acting in 'Film'. I enjoy both, but they call for different things. Theater is pretty much a run though of a scene: remember to face the audience, perform the blocking, maybe switch it up every now and then if you think the audience will get a kick out of it...but it's different in film. In film, the camera is up close. We see your expressions more vividly. We notice detail. We do more than one take. This means your hands do the exact same thing in the exact same way each time, so we keep proper continuity. Know where the camera is. Don't turn your back to it. Don't walk in front of it. Consult with the cinematographer or the director and follow their directions.)

I couldn't do any of that on this day, because the Producer never introduced any of us. He jumped right in to a rehearsal when we hadn't planned anything out. As a result, when he said 'let's get to it', everyone looked around with the expression of sheep with no Shepard. Which leads us to:

#2: If you don't have a Director, then things don't get done.

If you've managed to get over 20 people to show up to help create a feature film, WITHOUT pay, then someone needs to be in charge. And being 'in charge' doesn't mean 'let them all do their thing'. When we don't have a single, unified person telling us what to do, where to be, and when to do it, we're not going to do anything. So, we spent the first 2 hours like stray cats, attempting to do... an establishing shot.

Of a car pulling into a parking lot.

You know how long the final print of that will be in the movie? 7 seconds tops. We spent around 1030x that length doing the shot.

It's a CAR. PULLING INTO A PARKING LOT.

Believe me, I was pulling my hair out.

After we finally try and get the ball rolling, we get to a few lines of dialog. Here's where things REALLY go downhill.

I'll say this first and foremost: the actors were great. I liked them. There was NOTHING wrong with the actors. The problem? There was no one there to DIRECT them. They didn't KNOW what they needed to do. Bless them, they worked with what they had, but it wasn't working out.

I felt bad for them. It was one of the few times I showed pity. Here they were, talented folks, who got into this project with the best of intentions, and it was going downhill because of improper planning.

So the question on MY MIND after another hour or so was, where is Mr. Producer, and what is he doing?

I've got no problem with a Producer doubling as a Director. I myself oftentimes produce, direct, act, and even edit the same project. I don't have a problem with someone taking on multiple jobs. Oftentimes, it cuts down on production costs, and helps things to run smoother. Sometimes it's actually helpful for someone to do more than one job...if they are skilled in those jobs.

The problem? Mr. Producer figured he'd direct as well, even though he had ZERO experience doing so. BAD IDEA. Another bad idea? He wanted to film some stuff as well. As in, hold the camera.

When he has never filmed anything before.

Look, it's common courtesy... if you don't know how to do it, then leave it up to the professionals. Don't grab a camera and waste tape if it's going to look like a bad home movie. Don't coach actors if you don't know how to coach them.

And he must have taken that advice, because when I looked around to find him...we was sitting in the back of the lot with his buddies, in a couple of lawn chairs, with a case of beer.

...Not a lot of people have seen me angry. I don't get angry very often. I make it a point to not go overboard on things. And lucky for him, I was on those wonderful antidepressants known as 'security cameras' ...otherwise I would have personally walked over to my truck, taken out my handy-dandy sledge hammer, and personally introduced Mr. Mallet to Mr. Budweiser.

Why? Several reasons:

First off, you're not gonna drink in front of me. Not ever. Just not gonna happen. Ask my friends. I have this problem...I take one look at someone I know drinking a beer can, and all I see is this blinding flash of hot, white light before they wind up injured on the ground.

Secondly, for those of you who aren't as morally-driven as I am, you DON'T DRINK on the job. Would you walk into an office and crack open a Keystone before you sit down at your desk? No. So don't bring it on set. You might like to go out and party all you want, but when you step on set, you're going to work. And work comes before play.

If I'm a Director, and I see you drinking on my set, you're done. I'm not going to look at you for one more minute, and I'm going to make sure that you will never work with anyone in this business ever again.

I'm cold, and I'm heartless. Too bad.

But finally, even if he WASN'T drinking beer...even if it was a Coke, the other offensive part was that he was sitting around with his buddies doing nothing. That brings us to:

#3: If you're going to make a movie, then MAKE THE MOVIE. Don't stand around and expect others to make it for you.

If you've got 20+ people coming out at midnight to work on a film they aren't getting paid for, then you're not going to sit around and not help. This is not time for you to sit back and relax with your buds and reminisce about the good ol' days. You've got a job to do. If you're sitting, it better be because you've got a headset on listening to a take. Do NOT make everyone come out to a set if you're not going to contribute to your own movie. That's a SLAP IN THE FACE to EVERYONE involved.

So, why not just pack my stuff up and leave? I probably would have, except I felt awfully bad leaving the awesome cast in the dust, so I man up.

And it was at that point that this-here 'camera guy' had to promote himself to 'Director', so the show could go on. I spent the entire evening doing my best to finish as many scenes as possible. And so, it was up to me and the lighting guy to finish for the night.

I finally got home at around 2am, tired, and put out. I looked at some of the footage we got...maybe 3 minutes worth of stuff that I was happy with.

I know what you're thinking: just call him, and quit. But no. I stick it out, cause I was young and innocent like that.

Enter Day Two.

We're now in the middle of a neighborhood street. The scene in question involves the characters vandalizing a car. Total run time of the scene: about 30 seconds. I'm there until 3am. We had some new goodies on this night.

#4: First Days are rocky. Fix what didn't work for Day Two.

The first day of shooting will always be rocky. It's the first time getting together and working, so only expect to get a short amount of work done. Production gets easier as the cast and crew become more of a well-oiled machine.

But that wasn't happening here. Because now, add about 5 more people, all of whom think they're the next Spielberg. The job of these guys was to: ...I dunno. No one really did. They pretty much stood around, and called 'action'. And complained. I guess they were directors, except they didn't ever direct.

A good hour and a half was spent with them all butting heads about how to do a scene...about how that particular way of doing it was 'stupid'. About how 'you're gay', and that 'No, you're gay'.

It was juvenile.

None of these people were holding a camera. None of them had ever done a feature film before, and I'm quite confident had only gone so far in terms of experience as shooting a music video for an assignment at their State College. To put it short: they were acting like babies, they didn't know what they were doing, they all had different ideas, they all blamed it on the actors, and there were five of them. Not counting the twenty other people that were just sitting around.

#5: If there are too many chefs in the kitchen, then start firing them.

25+ people in the middle of a small neighborhood street with next to no light (for a scene that runs for thirty seconds) and only requires 4 actors is pathetic. If you aren't working on that scene, then go home. I'm a strong believer that a small group of familiar, well-oiled filmmakers is FAR better than a large group of unorganized strangers who all want it done their way.

This isn't Hollywood. It's an indie film. We don't need 6x the capacity standing around. If you aren't helping the scene to be filmed, you are part of the problem. Quit being part of the problem, and leave.

This isn't Hollywood. This isn't your big moment to prove you're a big-bad, unknown Director. You aren't paying these people, and they honestly don't care. You're a nobody. You do NOT yell at the cast or the crew when things go wrong because of a decision YOU made.

There is nothing more annoying than seeing a bunch of sweatband-wearing guys walking around with their chins up, saying 'no' or 'are you an idiot?' to legitimate questions. It's even more annoying when they ALL have different ideas about how to direct a scene.

Even worse, folks in the neighborhood started coming out wanting to know why a massive lighting rig and 25-some people were making so much racket in front of their yards.

It was then that I finally realized we were TOTALLY on a non-permitted set.

If you're going to get permission to use a public place, you've got to let the neighbors know. One call to the cops was all it would have taken to get shut down.

So, after that night, I quit. I never went back. Which I regret to this day, only because I left my lens cap in the back of the Producer's SUV, and never got it back.

What's worse? The Producer NEVER tried to contact me again, or ask me WHY I left, or at least gave my complaints some merit. He never fixed any problems, he just ignored them or hoped they would go away.

Or so I thought, until a month or two later, when I got an email from him, asking me to return the script I had.

I didn't respond.

After all, why should I give him the time of day as an employee when he never before wanted to step up and act like an employer. But if you're out there and reading this, Mr. Producer, I'll gladly swap the script for my lens cap. Just name the time and place.

Moreover, I still have the footage that I shot with my camera. True, I gave him the tapes, but I still have a digital copy of all of it. It stands as a testament to how poorly run the set was on that film, and it might wind up online one of these days.

The sad part? I might get sued if I were to show the footage, or the script, or released the name of this production and it's owner.

The funny part? I would win. The Producer handed out NDA agreements to everyone involved in the production (an agreement basically saying you aren't allowed to release any information concerning the production or its various details). He even walked right up to me at the end of Day One, handed me a copy, and told me he needed it back signed in five minutes. Naturally, I took it, was like 'sure thing, just let me go set up this tripod real quick...' then tossed it in the trash.

He never came back to pick it up from me. Must have forgotten about it while he was too busy drinking.

#6 If you're handing out contracts, keep TRACK of them. More importantly, hand them out BEFORE you go to work

That goes for all paperwork as a whole. It's your job as a filmmaker to be organized. As an actor, it's your job to keep copies as well, and make sure you follow it accordingly, and that you're being treated fairly.

I don't have a problem with NDAs. I use them as well, as should any serious production. Don't let them scare you, they're a formality of almost every entertainment agreement.

The big problem? The Producer gave me this AFTER we started shooting. You cannot legally go into a major production without having all of the agreements finalized. What if he had been using a child actor, and hadn't gotten a signature? What if that child got hurt? People would be fined some serious cash.

This is important for everyone in the industry. Get the paperwork lined out before you start rolling.

#7 Let the cast/crew KNOW what the plan is.

Constantly throughout, we didn't know WHERE we were meeting, or WHEN we were doing so. Cast and crew would show up too early, or too late. Props wouldn't arrive on time. Folks would randomly disappear and reappear. GET A GAME PLAN and stick to it as best you can.

#8 Don't lie.

I hear tell of rumors that this Producer is now saying that many of us who (in reality, left production because we were so disgusted) were 'asked to leave' because of creative differences. That is pathetic. Do not lie about who says what. We're a local community of filmmakers. Treat each other with respect, and tell the truth.

Don't make a promise you can't keep. Don't guarantee things that will never transpire. Don't lie about other filmmakers.

One of the great things as a local community of filmmakers in Missouri is that we all have the wonderful opportunity to look out for each other and work together. Hopefully this little blog will give you all some insight into what happens when things aren't going right. The best advice that I can give to dealing with a situation like this besides 'Don't get involved in the first place' is simply:

Walk away.

(And P.S. It's 'Cinematographer', not 'camera guy'.)

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The original posting can be found on his personal blog.